First of all STOP acting bad towards your daughter. I dont know what to do, I have to work to support her, and I want that bond. On the other hand when where home our out she only wants me and nothing to do with her father. Why is that so? Its even worse now I have split with the father as she never wants to come back to my house and now my son is starting to do the same becuase he has a new gf and they are the perfect family and im on my own, everything I do is never as good as whats at daddies house, we have them half the week each so its not like hes a weekend dad and they just pleased to see him. I dont know why she it is getting upset at me and no one else. thank you for writing tips on coping. I miss my baby terribly. And take the opportunity to do something for yourself while he is playing with grandma. Try to have a lot of skin contact with her. Since youve always been there for her, that might play a big part in what is going on. i feel so alone and depressed. Continue to do things alone with your boy that is an excellent way to maintain a good relationship even when he has become an older kid, teenager and adult. Reading all the comments I dont need to help but what I did come to the conclusion is to learn to LOVE unconditionally. Well, they dont know each other yet! Choosing which wars to fight as a parent makes a big difference. Try to stay bright and relaxed, it really WILL get better. I started wearing lavender lotion every time i saw her, trying in some way to create a bond. I am in the same position yet I do not work. I am just grateful to know this happens in other cases. I have a 2 year old daughter. I feel like a bad mom. You can do it. i feel so usless at the moment, i have a 5 month old daughter who in my mind hates the bones of me, as soon as her dad wakes in the morning to go to work she screams the place down for at least 3 hours,i just cant do anything to calm her down, when i finally get her settled again i just find my self breaking down in tears infront of my 2 year old son, he gives me a big hug and tells me that he loves me, i feel like i am doing everything on my own, my partners mother only lives round the corner but she is as helpful as a glass hammer, she has my partners 2 sons from his ex partner every weekend but she wont do with my daughter, my parents help me as much as they can, but they also have jobs to do. It may be surprising, but the most common reason that your breastfed baby is likely refusing a bottle is because of their sensory and emotional needs. If the mom can come to your house or spend time with the baby in company with someone you trust, so that she doesnt run off again, you will have done a lot for your baby. It is heart-breaking, what can I do? Sigh. I sing endless versions of Wheels on the Bus, and a million other things. And be there when they come back. It is not your fault that the first few months were very tough. I am really glad to see that I am not the only one with this problem. I have a 9-month-old baby, who doesnt seem to want me anymore. Just today, my mom was over and when she left, my son just wailed. Im in the military so its not like I can go and just quit my job (even though I thought hard about it). should i just let her be with whoever she wants to be with? I think its about time she stood up to her dad & told him but she as always been scared of him just like her older brother scared to say boo. Adjustment takes time. i have a baby girl who is now almost a month old. In any event, what helped me was to actively and often affirm to myself that I am a GOOD mother. It won't be easy, but working with dad to share the load becomes much easier. However, since she was 8+months, she has been fighting me and does not want me to hold her when she sees her caretaker. She is almost 10 months old. It will pass. It is incredibly painful to feel rejected, so there is nothing wrong or silly about your feelings. in the meantime I feel like a monster that frightens her ??! He will also frequently choose his dad over me. And as being the preferred caretaker at the moment, your mom can help you a lot by firmly handing over your daughter to you at certain points. in return they are telling me dun seperate them from my child wat can i do . Use this time to get down on the floor and play with her, take a bath together, read her a story, curl up in bed and tell her a bed story or sing to her or do whatever she loves doing. Im so glad I found this post! Your daughter is going through her first life crisis adapting to the new situation. I know it is hard and scary and painful after many months of being pregnant and then being everything for a child. The rational part of me says that this makes sense because he is with daddy more than me at the moment. Crying is normal but the baby will adjust: "Sorry to hear about what's going on, but we've all been there in some way or another, so you're not alone. Cafemom wanted a detailed truth about returning to work after having a baby. My 9-mth old baby boy is doing the same to me too. She seems to want her father more and will only laugh at me. Its been like this since he was a newborn. I am also the sole breadwinner in my family. Yeah, as you can see, it is common! When I am in the US, I try to work from home on most days so I can spend time with my children. Ive reached the point where I want to leave my house and just leave her and my husband alone so see how they would make it without me. I kind of gave up trying to figure it out, and just really tried to just remain bright and happy and easy going. I have just put my 8 mth old to bed and was going to come into my room and cry I went back to work 3 wks ago and he has been ill on and off this week. Do I spend too much time with her? Most people are incredibly ignorant about the crucial bonding needs of an infant. That is actually a very sensitive age when separation and stranger anxiety set is. In fact she would scream and cry I will always take her out of her room and try to pacify her. I was a stay at home mom with my girl for the first nine monthsand from the beginning daddys always been better with her. But sometimes it seems like I dont even compare to Grandma!! I have only returned this week to work after 11 months off with my 11 month old baby girl. Childcare is unaffordable or unavailable, and in a survey by McKinsey & Company, 34% of mothers cited childcare concerns as . But I believe it can be solved. In the morning, can you and your daughter get dressed together before you meet the others? I am just saying that even the most reasonable people some times do extremely stupid things in separations. I come from work and he doesnt care if I am there I feel horrible because if my sister comes he gets so so happy and he crawls so fast to her and he wants her to carry him I get so sad but I keep it inside until tonight I just couldnt I cried and thought does he not love me? If we dont see them for a couple of weeks, I feel the bond coming back but we cant stay away for ever & my girlfriend doesnt understand what Im going through please help cause it really hurts & gets me down. She doesnt come when i call out to her. I was always there for him. This has been completely devastating to me. I feel like a lazy, uninvolved mother and I hate it. I feel like there is something I didnt do or that there is something Im not doing, but know matter what it is , its breaking my heart. They fidget a lot or hate getting messy. But if we can handle it as adults, and give our children both love and space no matter what, I am certain that our long-term relationship AND bother their and our personal development will benefit. So youve done great job. Children are not there to build our self-esteem, they cant and often wont, especially if we expect them to act in a certain way, or to be thankful or loving, because we treat them well. This is even almost causing friction between mom and I because I try to spend time with my daughter anyway and she just screams and mom wants me to just leave her alone. this time we were alone in the room. A couple of things helped: 1) we play her favorite music at very loud volume during the feeding to distract her, 2) we make sure to feed her before she gets very hungry so that she is still in a good mood, 3) we make sure my husband, the caregiver, always gives her the bottle, and 4) we keep trying at different times if she doesn't take the Playing with her, cuddling her, holding her, rocking her to sleepif I could sing her to sleep it was rare. There are a few things I would like to say to you. I also have a 5 year old daughter and she is the opposite. The most common reason a baby would begin to reject the breast after receiving a bottle is that the bottle was an easier route to take. I think there are two things you should do. To all those beautiful mummies and daddies who have shared their heart with us, you are so not alone, I have had pnd anxiety since my little man was about 2 months old and I used to feel this way so much that it broke my spirit and heart. Sometimes she does it to my partner but seems only to attack me more. Got evicted but he had offered to take his daughter until the mother was able to get back to her feet because enough is enough with this woman. Now, my son doesnt seem to even want me in the room with him any more. This can of course be very tough on the other parent, especially for someone who is used to be the preferred one. I just googled and found this website.. and saw I was not alone. It breaks my heart that my daughter doesnt want anything to do with me. Take care of yourself during this time. Well, disobeing the court orders she left with the child to another state without any communication or notice of where she was going. So the estrangement between the two of you became mutual. My mom used to take care of her during the afternoon so I could study. I sometimes wish that I could die and I admit that there are times when I have seen all my competitors as my enemies and I wanted to hurt my own child out of jealousy..But then I would never do that..My relationship with my husband and his family is degrading day by day..And I regret having married him at all even though he is the best husband and dad ever..I dont know what is happening to me!! Running away like that is completely unacceptable. My best advice is to simply continue to love and care for your child with no expectation for immediate payback in terms of returned affection so to speak. She was with me mornings and nights. Thankfully he still paid her Iphone, so while she decided to turn it on (of course she couldnt be without it) we were able to track her location and after a month and another court order we got her back with us 100% full custody. I say with us because me and her father are engaged and living together. If she can sense a tension whenever she is happy to be with dad, it might rather push her away further from you. That doesnt mean that he doesnt love you. Much more effective than disciplining a child. January 26, 2013. Otherwise, you will reinforce her wishes to put distance between the two of you and her wish to go to the other person, where does not experience any bad emotions. After all, during their first twelve months babies still physically need mother's milk. If Im holding his hand, he lets go to stand at their legs and fuss until he is picked up. If you've made the decision to return to work after your parental leave, this can be a sensitive and busy time. Which just doesnt help at all! A two-year-old is demanding and it is his job to figure out what the world is like, which certainly includes a lot of testing and protesting. Shortly after my now 6 1/2 month old daughter was born my mother was laid off and I had to go back to work. Skin contact is great for bonding. I nursed him up until a month ago. However, since you have only been her mother for 1 week and a half, it is too early to start worrying about the bonding going wrong. He is great with me on my own we play cuddle and take him to the park a lot. not just for school its changing his diper or feeding him foods he will not eat from me at all i dont know why? I was worried then that since she dealt with so many different nurses who were women, she wouldnt have a clue who I was. However, this is a normal reaction and the situation is far from hopeless. So much for breastfeeding and bonding. It is very normal even with both parents at home, that only mom is accepted and that the child cries if left alone even for a moment. I have always done international travel (3-4 weeks at a time) and adjusting back with my 3rd daughter was always difficult. She returned to work 12 days later because she wanted to save her unpaid leave so she could spend time with Eden after she . When she was 5 months old, daddy came back.the moment she saw my husband at the door was a funny one. I am drained to the point where I Breast refusal tip #8: Try a different feeding position. I wish I could be of help to you, but at least know there are other mothers out there who are or who have known the sadness and pain you are experiencing. Have someone other than mom do the feeding 2. We have great fun when its just the two of us, playing and laughing. Of course we can go the road of power struggles, but it wont help. However, there is no way of telling ahead of time whether your baby will go happily from breast to bottle and back again. Your mom can also try to stir up some excitement around you coming home from school; looking out of the window with your daughter here comes Mommy! will my daughter never love me or be close to me. :**(, Im pretty much going through what the girl with the 7 month old is going through and its my husbands mom too! I dont get it. I just want it with me too. But during this next period, children no longer want to marry their parent of the opposite sex and parent of the same sex become a lot more important. My baby was very attached to me but now she doesnt love me at all, she only wants my mother, she even calls her mama and she doesnt call me anything, she only wants to be with her , when she is sick or not sick, when she is sleepy etc She cries when my mom goes out and when my mom comes home she gets very happy and runs to her, i have cried every night for the past 2 weeks it hurts me so bad to see her not loving me, on the weekends i go out with her alone trying to spend more time with her, but its doesnt work at all!!!! My daughter just turned one. But when I worked at being breezy, he seemed to want to be around me again. Create boundaries and routines that support ample family and . More Like This I wake him up with a bottle in the morning and put him to bed with a massage and kisses and rocking at night. I just cant get the image of her red angry little face out of my mind. or something similar. I feel rejected by my man, I have asked many times why? There is a worker at her nursery who she is not keen on and she scratched her yesterday which puts me in the same category as her I guess. for example, is perfect for a baby with separation anxiety. I see you're still nervous. But as soon as Daddy is home, I really become part of the furniture. I can almost never get her to smile, and never can get her to laugh and squeal like dad. I understand how worried you are, especially since you are expecting a second child in two months. Whats more heart breaking, is my partner totally doesnt take my feelings seriously.& when i was trying hard, hell come & spoils her by taking her back to his own hands. they dun even let me held my gal after my day of wrk. Take your baby for a casual walk. and youre doing the right thing. wont she not even a day look out for me. This was very hurtful to me, in fact, I cant even articulate how painful it was. I wanted to say thank you to those who shared their stories and especially to those whose answers said what is more motherly than to UNCONDITIONALLY love their child, no matter what response they may be giving me. Its hard for me to deal with this feeling, but being sad about this hasnt helped at this point. That was quite hard, when I was feeling like I was being rejected and that I was doing something wrong. Did you know that recent research suggests that a child that seems to need frequent reprimands, actually often needs the exact opposite? I am an older mom (41 years old). My daughter prefers my mother, as she looks after her while Im at college. As you say, youre the one who has been there for her all her life and still is in many ways, and now youre suddenly gone much more. But the guilt you are feeling may very well delay the bonding. In the long run, I really hope that your boyfriend and your step-daughters mom will find a way to co-operate nothing will be more healing for the baby than that. Whereas, with her, he SCREAMS. If it is fairly new maximum 1 year or so what is going on is actually a completely natural development stage in your daughters life. Parental separation anxiety is normal, especially when going back to work after maternity leave. I just wanted to post an update and some encouragement that things really do get better with time. You sound like you are in very bad emotional shape. Here are three women on how they felt: Mom 1 shared that during the first pregnancy, she stayed at home for the first nine months. Unfortunately she has developed a deep bond with my mother (as to be expected) and not me. his grandad really does spoil him buying him everything thats going, he has to buy him something no matter where he goes & now grandad has turned round & said he wants money for his birthday so he can buy him & my son something for them both to play with. . In fact its more mummy than daddy, and my husband is a little bit jealous of this. She cries for her grand mother. Rather the contrary; that you have helped him become so secure that he is now ready to face the world. I understand so much the pain you are going through. I was born to an ignorant mother who failed to nurture me. Adoption, at least a much as having a biological child is a huge responsibility, hard work, and a wonderful journey filled with love. She didnt when she newborn and she doesnt now. lately, i feel so depressed and down, because my boys seem to prefer they nannies over me. i dont know why he is acting like this .Does he hate me or doesnt feel secure with me ? Please help me!! I guess it is so devastating, her rejection of me because there is no one else in the world that I love more than her. thanks, I have a year son who is doing that also- I have always worked 2 days a week, but even when I am home with him, he is cranky and loves anyone else rather than me, especially his daddy and grandma- Its tearing me up! I recently read a study about the massive positive effects of just spending 15 minutes with a child every day 15 minutes with 100% focus on the child. Instead, I think this is the way to see the situation: You ask can a baby not like their mom..? i dun get to spent time with her during weekdays..my husband dun understand me wat i am going through . Though it seems that my daughter doesnt even want me when Im there, she is always clinging to her grandma it hurts a lot when i see her do that, i mean Im the one that has stayed awake for her all night when she was sick, i am the one that does everything for her. when i return,, i dont get to see that eagerness in my son to see me.. instead almost ignors me and spents his time with is aunt.. i dont even get a chance to be with him , play with him.. i feel very lonely unable to express my feelings towards my husband also.. nowadays he even sleeps with his aunt at night..i am not able to tolerate this anymore.. feeling light when i write this out openly.. hope that i would get adjusted to this situation.. afterall i cannot expect my son to change. Here is the good news: you are not alone. However, based on that you say your wife is concerned that your daughter doesnt like her anymore, it makes me believe that this situation has not been going on since she was an infant. Just being honest with you. By Alice Gibbs On 6/23/22 at 12:17 PM EDT. When you feel rejected, she will sense your reactions and you end up in vicious circle of guilt, sadness, rejection, and more sadness and guilt. I wrote on this post when my son was 9 mos and again when he was about a year old. I dont know if maybe he was picking up on my dark mood, my insecurities? I have also now noticed that she is being the same with both grandmothers, neither of which she sees more than once a week, If I take her off them she cries and goes to them when she is scared etc even if I am next to them. I made a point to kiss him and cheerfully say things like Oh, you want to play with Dadda? So, yes, absolutely discuss how you can help each other more. In addition, she might have trauma and losses in her background to deal with. I often wonder if day care would be a better option. I have to also remind myself daily that this was for the love of God that I had this child. When I am around, I try to maximize my time with all the children playing, reading, dropping off and picking up from school and even going out and it seems to work great for my older two. Employees who have access to these benefits express 1.5 times greater work satisfaction and are 2.5 times less likely to miss . I want her to love me again! Im a Dad, I work full time and Im home by 6pm most evenings. is 5 mbps enough for work from home "penske employee handbook" short message for judgemental person; list of wwe heel and face turns for 2022; blackjack throwing cards. she is three now. But if grandma or grandpa or daddy was her he would def go with one of them instead of me! All she needs is her grandparents or father. However, as in some of the other posts, dad seems to be the one to play with and have fun with and I am the one who had to do the laundry and clean the house..could this have anything to do with the favoritism? I used to adore my parents to death. It is common at this age, that babies cry inconsolably if put down or left alone for even just a minute. I hear a lot of guilt in what you write. Push her away and put your foot down. Yesterday, Xmas day, he passed the whole day following her everywhere! Feeling rejected and unloved from my only daughter is really sad and depressing. Dont let this woman take your child. Does anyone have any success stories in terms of their baby eventually being more bonded to them? It goes without saying that I want them to be thrilled to be together, but it really hurts my feelings. nw i think my gal dun wants me . I love him so much and have never felt so hurt or rejected. Go happily from Breast to bottle and back again things i would like say... To fight as a parent makes a big part in what you write the. He is acting like this since he was picking up on my dark mood, insecurities. Come when i am drained to the new situation sing endless versions of Wheels on Bus! 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