[After the Walt Disney Pictures logo, silent clips of "Aladdin" and "Aladdin 2" are shown]. Duchess: So, why won't you join us,Monsieur Roquefort? Let's be nice to our new friends. Thieves: [singing] Scheming up a scam, out on a limb. You never miss. That feels good,Lafayette. The percussionist - I love that word, "percussionist" - is going to put his triangle, put it in front of my triangle, and "Clang-a-Lang-a-Lang Went the Trolley," just the way Momma sang it, and then, I'm gonna take the banger to the triangle and cling-a-lang it until my clitoris swells up into a large Macy's Day Parade balloon, and I'm gonna take it and stretch it out and I'm going to wrap it around the microphone cord and fling it over my shoulder the way Mommy used to do. How did they develop this act! Lafayette: Oh, cricket bugsdon't wear shoes, man. Duchess: Perhaps! Kittens! What's all the yellin'about, huh? [7] It was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name by Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette. Hugh hefner, gilbert gottfried and the filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats' directed by paul provenza, penn jillette In addition to detailing the history of the joke,. Amelia: Uncle Waldo. Clickety-clickety-clickety. Mark Elliott: Coming to video. Berlioz: Andyou said we're gonnaride on your magic carpet. Doug stanhope's variation of the aristocrats joke. Sarah silverman delivered one of the most controversial versions of the joke in the aristocrats.after an emotionally. We chased four motorcarsand a bicycle and a scooter. Duchess: Oh! The Aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Abigail: And look at his crooked smile. All of a sudden the kid can't take it, diarrhea starts shooting out of his ass. We know if you would let us perform it for you you would want to sign us." Edgar Balthazar:Duchess,wherever have you been? Roquefort: Oh, thank you. Napoleon: Wait a minute. That was very nice of you. Stupid cat! All thoselittle kittens of yours, Duchess. Ow! Where did the blood come from? Marie:[offscreen]Mama, may we watch Toulouse paintbefore we startour music lesson? [The screen flashes again, but this time with the white screen fading to a black background with text saying "Coming to Theaters Summer 1996"]. Now, Marie's the caboose. Georges Hautecourt: Adelaide, my, my dear. Mark Elliott: The woman who would open his eyes to adventures he never imagined. So much likeour own dear England. Breakfast, a la carte. Upward and onward! Oh, no. And other poems by Maya Angelou. Naturellement! 0:55. Toulouse: Is there anything we can do tohelp you,Mr. O'Malley, huh? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: So good to see you, Georges. Edgar Balthazar:You came back? What do you call the act?" Abigail: Oh, indeed, yes, sis. "The Aristocrats" is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to the vaudeville era. Lafayette [offscreen]I got him, I got him, I got him! Lafayette: [offscreen;chuckling]This time, I get the tender part. Because with usshe never felt alone. Abigail: So first, you must gainself-confidenceby striking outon your own. The Aristocrats Joke, Card Trick. Hmm? Georges Hautecourt:Very well. Duchess:Oh! [offscreen]Gethim, get him, get him, get him! And for goodness sakes,do be careful! The Aristocrats Sketch O'Malley: No, no, no, baby. We're on our way to Paris. WhyEdgar? A few seconds later, Hugo comes to life, spitting a bird's nest out of its mouth]. [Screen fades from black, showing some of the locations from the film]. Roquefort: I've got to find him. Let's see. [ Singing ]Everybody's pickin' upon that feline beat'Cause everything else is obsolete, O'Malley [ Singing ] A square with a horn makes youwish you weren't born, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Every time he plays, O'Malley: [ Singing ] But with a squarein the actYou can setmusic back, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]To the caveman days[ Scats ], O'Malley: [offscreen; singing]I've heard some corny birdswho tried to sing, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Still the cat's the only catwho knows how to swing, Billy Boss: [ With Russian Accent ]Who wants to dig a long-hairedgig and stufflike that, O'Malley and Scat Cat: [ Singing ]When everybody wants to be a catA square with a horn makes youwish you weren't bornEvery time he plays, O'Malley: [ Singing ] Oh, a-rinky tinky dinky, O'Malley and Scat Cat: [ Singing ]With a square in the actyou can set music backTo the caveman days, Marie: [ Singing ] Oh, a-rinky dinky tinky, Trio: [ Singing ]Yes, everybody wants to be a catEverybody wants to be a catBecause a cat's the only cat, who knows where it's atWhen playin' jazzhe always has a welcome mat'Cause everybodydigs a swingin' cat. Woody: This is the perfect time to panic! Toulouse:Yeah. Why, there are a millionreasons why I should! [We transition to the Sega Genesis version of the level, "Really Inside the Claw Machine", where Woody's game play is in first-person mode] It's "the most amazing 16-bit game ever made". They're the startof my new foundation. He could be a longshoreman. Alright? Edgar Balthazar: Oh, please, sir, justhold on! Where are you? The jokes setup and punch line often remain the same, but the midsection is improvised. (The gargoyles burst their heads out from three sides of a window). Berlioz:We were just practicingbiting and clawing. Very poetic. Ooh! WebWatch more:Gilbert Gottfried solves a murder mystery at Disney World: https://youtu.be/URuNJvtlGT0Gilbert Gottfrieds Dead Pet Turtle: Right? Look, Georges. Berlioz: Mama, do we have towaddle like they do? In that sense, its the ideal joke for a comedy documentary. Mark Elliott: Introducing Pixar and "Disney's Animated Storybook: Toy Story" on CD-ROM. You just hide over there and youleave the rest to J. Thomas O'Malley. Millions. Napoleon:Now this is no timeto turn chicken. It's very niceof you. Let them in! Edgar Balthazar:You're going to[offscreen]Timbuktu[onscreen]if it'sthe last thing I do! In The Aristrocrats, Saget stole the show with one of the filthiest jokes ever committed to film. 17 Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Well, as you know, my friend,I have no living relatives,and naturally, I wantmy beloved catsto be alwayswell whatever cared for. Uncle Waldo: Whoopee! [Chuckling, Sniffing] So, what is that appetizing smell? [Tearing]Oh drat! Judy Gold: People can get up on stage if they want to, you know, finger my niece or touch my nephew's penis. Mark Elliott: This summer, share the feeling. (offscreen)Four. Bruce Vilanch: I am catching the ping-pong balls and I'm catching them in my ass. He bit my finger! Toulouse: Yeah. O'Malley: Uh-huh, yeah. Carole Jeghers: There's never been a better time to make the dream come true. Duchess: Oh, no! Napoleon: What was that? Georges Hautecourt: Will, eh? Mark Elliott: The story of one extraordinary human being. [Woody claps for Buzz] And for Sega Genesis and Super NES, "Toy Story: The Video Game". They get the baby halfway in so that just his legs are sticking out all kicking and flailing around, and the son takes the mother's shit out of his mouth and starts rubbing it all over everyone while the father sticks his cock in the baby's asshole and fucks it while it's still inside the mother, until he cums all over the baby, the wife, the son and the daughter. We're just a pairof sentimental old fools. Something smells awfully good. Georges Hautecourt:Adelaide,what's that music? Amelia: Sir. Duchess: Oh, Thomas! So dysfunctional, it defies description. So theyre covered with piss and shit and blood and come and sweat, ooh, that sweat. You eitherare or you're not. A little lowerand faster there, buddy. Why? The Napoleon: Wait a minute! Winnie the Pooh! Abigail: Silly you! And Ann suggests that they all go into the drawing room, where Ann then braids Betsy's beautiful blonde hair. And he's like, "It's not a f***in' prop act, is it?". Billy Boss: Ha-ha! A very enthusiastic--. [Roquefort runs to the trunk and works on the combination lock. Get-- Get washed downa storm drain. Duches: [offscreen]Berlioz, now don't be rude. It's about that big Bob Saget: I believe that's Shandling's joke. It will come later. Oh, ooh, ooh! It looks like a serated sea snake. Woody: [Walks to an alien and picks it up] Hello. That's onlya little frog, my love. Just hearing out loud descriptions of giddy sh*t-covered incest. And since it is a kids joke, i highly doubt it is a nonsensical joke (e.g. Everything is going to be all right. The aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Duchess: [Laughing]Bravo! Old picklepuss Edgar! Hey! Don't get sore at me! [Genie Jafar throws a fireball at the screen, and the screen fades from white, revealing the "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves" logo] "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves". An amazing three-dimensional adventure. Roquefort:Don't worry about me! O'Malley: Well, humans don't really worrytoo much about their pets. O'Malley:Well, girls, see ya around. Well, that's easy for, uh,for what's-his-name to say. Napoleon: No, no. Very good. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, Edgar, they're back! Roquefort:H-How about--O' Grady? Roquefort:[ Muttering ]Why did I listen to that O'Malley cat!? [ Chuckles ]Not as spry as I waswhen I was 80, eh? And bring back f***ing major world leaders of the past 60 years, like Hitler. (onscreen)Five! [The movie logo appears] "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh". Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Thank you, Edgar. Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Uhoh, yes. The Aristocrats. Anything could happento them on a night like this weather! Duchess: Marie, darling. "The Hunchback of Notre Dame". And aristocatic flair in what they do and what they say. [ Grunting ] Okay, Laffy, you're right, it's the end. - What? Penn Jillette: What do you call an act like that? Then we see a picture of Walt Disney]. Get her! You have [ Mumbling ]. He rips off his wife's bra. Napoleon: Wait a minute, that's funny. I wanna go home! I love 'em. Napoleon: It's squeaky shoesapproachin', man. Its release marks the completion and end of something, or perhaps several things, though what, exactly, is difficult to determine or It doesn't matter what it's called! Duchess: (offscreen)Oh, yes, Monsieur O'Malley. What is the Jawi script exactly and why did they stop using it in from www.quora.com. Come along, dear. Uh, not exactlyyour type, Duchess. Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. [onscreen]Heave-ho! The middle is improvised, with gross, incetuous and obscene sexual acts often the topic of choice. And then the guy goes, "The Aristocrats." [Growling]. For those who are new and are wondering about why this was necessary, read the shift in editing starting March 1st blog. I've just gotto find them. Duchess: Oh, and I'mso very glad we didthis morning. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: There now, Duchess. Abigail: Oh, how horribly nice! O'Malley: Keep your head up, Marie! "Roquefort". All of them dollars. You know, your country chateau? I'll be spitting feathers for a week. We can bring in people from the past, because we can do that now you know they got those commercials with Humphrey Bogart and all that other bullshit. I lie on a chaise lounge, naked, reading sonnets from Shakespeare, and my third sister, she makes a painting very similar to Decroix's 'The Girl'." Away! Meee-owww! You know, I mean, one of those--. This joke may contain profanity. Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. Oh! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:You know, Georges, if Edgarhad only known about the will,I'm sure he neverwould have left. Answer me please. [Grunting]. Cassim: You don't stand a chance against the King of Thieves. I'm the leader. What's all the whis--whispering about, huh? Lafayette:Okay,man, let's charge. [Sniffling][Sloshing][Splat]Yeah! 2005. I just love them. Poppycock, man! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Oh, come now, Georges. I heard them! The He's got nine lives. Because the objective of the joke is its transgressive content, it is most often told privately,[5] such as by comedians to other comedians. Obviously a philanderer who trifleswith unsuspecting women's hearts. Because you're probably saying, if you have any sense of human decency, "Well, why didn't he stop them the minute he saw the father unzipping his pants!" Georges Hautecourt: [Chuckling]Don't panic, Edgar. Edgar Balthazar: Must be round here somewhere. Tinkerbell flies in and changes the scenes to the Disney Interactive logo as she flies off]. Beau Weaver: And here's what's new from Disney Interactive. Edgar Balthazar: Whoa, Frou-Frou, whoa. Choo-choo-choo-choo,choo-choo-choo-choo. Haven'tyouforgotten something for Frou-Frou, darling? O'Malley: [Gasping]Alrighty, whatever. [As the black-and-gold Walt Disney Home Video logo appears, the "Winnie the Pooh" theme cues up. Bill Maher: It's a family act, but it's a twist because they're retarded. Roquefort: Mm. (onscreen)Please introduce yourselves to him, darlings. Brainless lunatic! Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. They're Oxford shoes. Edgar Balthazar: Morning, Frou-Frou,my pretty steed. Two-cylinder, chain drive. Please,let me explain. O'Malley:[offscreen]Hey, cool it, you little tiger. O'Malley: [ Chuckles ]Keep your whiskers up, Toulouse Ol'Tiger. And your music is so--so different,so exciting. 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