Non-canon Harry Potter erotica: m/m. [2] She had dust-coloured fur and yellow, lamp-like eyes. Its a short and simple tale of two men getting ready together and getting a little distracted. [82] He presumably kept doing what he was used to: punishing the students and arguing with Peeves the Poltergeist, even under the new Headmistress Minerva McGonagall. Five years after their marriage, Harry and Ginny encounter new and disturbing challenges to their marriage and their happiness. She had got trapped in the roots of the Hogwarts Whomping Willow where she was found by Fang, and was returnef to Filch promptly. [18], In December, Filch attended the Christmas feast, in which he departed with his usual brown coat and wore a very old and rather mouldy-looking tailcoat. At the end of the year, Filch attended the End-of-Term Feast, reunited with his cat. Suspecting it was linked to the Cursed Vaults, he was about to report to Dumbledore, but spotted Professor Severus Snape first and told him instead. In an excuse to escape punishment, Draco told Filch he had been invited to Professor Slughorn's party, and Filch dragged him by the ear to Slughorn's office to see if his claim was true. In 1991, Harry and Ron managed to get on Filch's bad side on their very first day at Hogwarts School, when he and Ronald Weasley got lost and inadvertently tried to enter the out-of-bounds third-floor corridor. How have I made myself sad writing a crack fic? Nobody would have thought of throwing Fanged Frisbees down the corridors if I could've strung you up by the ankles in my office, would they? tip: "uchiha sasuke/uzumaki naruto" angst kudos>10. The other teachers, who could have removed the swamp in an instant, preferred instead to watch Umbridge struggle. Filch also appeared to respect Headmaster Albus Dumbledore very much. Not enough for you? Harry po jistm incidentu skon porann a v bezvdom v postrann ulice, kde ho najde njak mu. [46], That school year, the Triwizard Tournament took place at Hogwarts. Filch later took Mrs Norris to the pet gathering, telling her to behave after she hissed at Fang again. After the battle, he returned to his position of caretaker, as he was immediately seen sweeping near the Great Hall. Keep an eye on your inbox. - " --", . [82] The battle recommenced shortly afterwards, and it all ended when Lord Voldemort was finally defeated and killed by Harry Potter in the Great Hall. Community content is available under. There's something thrilling about being the famous Harry Potter's teacher and Lockhart takes advantage of the chance to get so close to him. A new educational decree turns Harrys life upside down. Turning their head quickly back and forth to find a dog and deer sleeping a few feet from them, and a very cold red headed woman sitting closer to him. [57] Filch also assisted Umbridge when she had Trelawney sacked, something he most likely took pleasure in, as it caused Trelawney great stress and reduced her to tears. A Black Comedy by nonjon. Or even just one page. [77] At night, while not patrolling the corridors, Filch wore an old flannel dressing gown. [80] Filch was kept working at Hogwarts in his capacity of caretaker. Egg? Confused about what he felt and hearing his mum's final words, Harry's mind starts to unlock things that had been better left forgotten. He hummed creakily under his breath, under the prospect of the changes Umbridge had announced him. [4], Harry Potter: Hogwarts MysteryArgus' sceptical personality against Jacob's sibling party invitation, In the 19841985 school year, Filch and Mrs Norris found the cursed ice. It is rumoured that he used to clean the shackles in his office hoping the Headmaster would let him use them on students again one day. A highly polished collection of chains and manacles hung on the wall behind Filch's desk. His surname, "Filch", is an English word meaning "to steal", usually in a sneaky manner. [17] Filch stored the map in a cabinet marked "Confiscated and Highly Dangerous". That's what fanfiction is about. Wake up the whole castle, will you? [A non-magical AU. [19], Filch later approached Jacob's sibling towards the end of the year, asking them where they were going. The idea of sex has always frightened Neville, but Luna is more than happy to guide the way. The Carrows were put in charge of all discipline and punishments, which were violent, including beatings and placing students under the Cruciatus Curse. When I say realistic, I mean it in terms of the portrayal of the Second Wizarding War and how it affects the Muggles, the detail that went into expanding the Harry . Marrying Millicent Bulstrode, the ugly, smelly and fat girl of Slytherin, who liked to giggle with that irritating sound that tears through your head like the wail of a pig? He is found and adopted by Merlin and is stuck in the past and is immortal until his time approaches. [13] He disliked the students and constantly hassled them over the littlest infraction and took delight in the doling out of detention-worthy write-ups. When Ginny finds a discarded recipe from the twin's fledgling business, she realizes she and Harry can use it to get rid of his enemies - and get some pleasure out of it in return. Sometimes a mans love for fruit knows no bounds. Harry felt no dread, no terror, no anger or fury or resentment. PEEVES! [7], After Harry Potter and Hermione Granger had carried Norbert to the Astronomy Tower, so that Charles Weasley's colleagues could take the dragon to Romania, Filch caught the pair roaming the Astronomy Corridor on their way back to Gryffindor Tower in the early hours of 10 May, 1992. Arthur is fascinated by Harry's stretch marks. [54] Filch was reportedly miserable, as he thought Umbridge was the best thing that ever happened to Hogwarts.[67]. [2] However, Filch did always plead to Dumbledore to permit him to use corporeal punishments on the students, a request that was never granted, which became a primary reason why Filch preferred Umbridge as head of the school. [25], During the 19881989 school year, the Marauder's Map was stolen from his office by a thief that he suspected to be Peeves. However, when Arthur turned around he looked at all three at them with a heavy gaze from his blue eyes causing them all of them flinch. In the evening of 20 April, 1996, Marietta Edgecombe denounced the unsanctioned Dumbledore's Army to Dolores Umbridge. Albus always wanted Teddy, but never thought he would be able to have him. He felt perfectly content. Filch tried to frighten them, by telling that many dangerous creatures lived there. [16], On 8 November, Filch helped Severus Snape to apply bandages in order to dress the wounds on his leg after the Potions Master had been bitten by Fluffy. Please consider turning it on! Viewed 411 times . And above all, who is the mysterious and elusive guest? A few feet away, in the bed next to Harry's slept their son, having not even removed his shoes before collapsing into exhaustive, deep sleep. On 1 August 1997, the Ministry of Magic was taken over by Lord Voldemort's Death Eaters. In this extremely strange erotic fanfic, Hogwarts is lonely and the giant squid is there to fill those halls. During the first stage of the battle, Filch was left with a deep gash in his left arm. She jumped and hugged Harry, almost knocking him to the ground. What is it? Harry asked with so much innocence in his voice that it practically made Lockhart drool. Filch attended the Start-of-Term Feast in the evening of 1 September, 1995 in which he stood by the double doors leading to the Entrance Hall, and listened attentively to Dolores Umbridge's speech. [72], Filch greatly trusted Madam Rosmerta, the bartender of the Three Broomsticks Inn, in that he would actually neglect the proper protocols and allow anything from her to enter the castle without properly inspecting them beforehand. The Dragons Brideby Rizzle, Hermione and Draco find themselves naked, tattooed, and married after a drunken night of debauchery. Hermione looked up at Harry's face. On two occasions, he shut Mrs Norris inside a suit of armour, from which she was rescued by a furious Filch, yowling loudly. However, he did reveal to them he had heard rumours that he had been spotted in the Hogwarts Library. Harry Potter is such a beautiful, erotic boy, and Gilderoy will have him wrapped tightly around his finger in the time it takes you to say Boggart. This series is a collection of one-shots in which Hermione explores several different lesbian relationships. When you buy through these links, we may earn an affiliate commission. However, when he returned to his office, he learned that Harry had read his letter about Kwikspell courses. Best Funny Harry Potter Fanfiction. If you don't want to read that, I'd recommend finding another story rather than giving this one a try. [65], No one, however, could compete with the master of chaos, Peeves. He let them go after threatening to send them to Dumbledore, taking Mrs Norris to see Professor McGonagall to clean her fur. [72] He had a horrible, pouchy[51] and pasty face[14] and bulging, pale eyes,[7] along with sunken, veined cheeks. After he opened a book that screamed, Filch arrived on the scene almost immediately but was unable to see Harry. [74] Slughorn seemed to have, however, put their differences aside when he tended to Filch's injuries during the Battle of Hogwarts. InA Perfect Dream World by arobynsung, everyones favorite Quidditch girls Alicia Spinnett, Angelina Johnson, and Katie Bell get together. In contrast to this warning, Hagrid remained his jovial self and tried to assure all of them that they were safe. Trust Meby RZZMG puts Hermione and Neville Longbottom together. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of AzkabanFred and George to Harry Potter about the trouble they cause Filch, The twins Fred and George Weasley had as bad a relationship with Filch as Filch had had with Peeves ever since their first year. Harry is shrunken so needs somewere to go to stay safe hwere better then in athrur wealsey's underware. [47] During the Hallowe'en feast on 31 October, Filch wore his mouldy old tailcoat and added chairs to accommodate Igor Karkaroff, Olympe Maxime, Ludovic Bagman, and Bartemius Crouch Senior at the Staff Table. You filthy little beasts would never have dropped Stink Pellets if you'd known I had it in my power to whip you raw, would you, now? Once upon a time, Harry Potter and his schoolmates grew up and had kids, and those kids had sex. In the evening of 1 May 1998, Argus Filch was patrolling the corridors while Harry Potter and Luna Lovegood went to Ravenclaw Tower. He was going to be permitted to bring back the "old punishments" and give students whippings, and she asked the Minister for Magic to sign an order for the expulsion of Peeves, the resident Poltergeist. [41], On 31 October, Filch stood by the Entrance Hall checking the names of those going to the first Hogsmeade trip of the term. Filch was furious and kicked Harry out off his office, trying to convince him that the letter was not his, and ordering him not to tell anyone. [9], Later on, Filch and Madam Pomfrey oversaw the evacuation procedure of underage students and of those not willing to fight, via the Room of Requirement. [42] Filch helped secure the Castle on Professor Dumbledore's instruction, lowering the portcullis and bolting the front doors of the Clock Tower. [71] Snape, however, did not show much respect to the caretaker, and simply treated him as a minion. [9] In keeping with his dislike for students and their inevitable tendency to create messes and disorder (which he, as caretaker, would get stuck cleaning up), Filch idolised "the old ways" of discipline and constantly lamented that he was no longer allowed to use corporal punishment. [26], Filch's relationship with most professors was unknown. Clearly, Im not the only Potterhead who feels this way as Romione erotica seems to be the most abundant out of all of the canon erotica out there. I am legitimately sad about it now. Harry cast this jinx twice, to general applause, on an unsuspecting Argus Filch. Filch thanked the student for their help, despite his usually grouchy nature. However, Filch, in a way, helped Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix defeat the Death Eaters, as he helped McGonagall call Peeves during the Battle of Hogwarts. Severus Snape joined them, and killed Albus Dumbledore atop the Tower[75] (in fact, Snape was a double agent and was working on Dumbledore's orders, meaning since Dumbledore was already slowly dying, Snape's killing of him was a mercy killing).[76]. [12] Filch waged a constant war against the students and Peeves, the school's resident poltergeist. Soon, Filch discovered Harry and took him to his office; however, before he could punish Harry, Filch heard a noise and realised that Peeves had damaged a very valuable Vanishing Cabinet. As Severus Snape was a very strict and somewhat cruel teacher, Filch respected that and acted a loyal subordinate to him. Hearing this, Filch thought that Peeves stole the egg. He even put a chair against the wall to keep guard there. On occasion, he fruitlessly scrubbed the message with Mrs Skower's All-Purpose Magical Mess Remover, but to no effect. Lets do the Time Warp Again by Rorschach's Blot. He was aided by the Inquisitorial Squad, but odd things like antlers sprouting from their heads kept happening to its members. Filch first demanded they confess to having set off a Dungbomb in the Gryffindor common room, given their habit of trouble (which was in fact the work of Fred and George Weasley). Check outThings I Learned in Schoolby janed. and the two argued loudly as Harry and Hermione hurried off on Hagrid's instruction. Arthur was never a violent man, but he was very expressive and his temper, when it was short, nobody wanted to be on the wrong side of. [31], Harry Potter and the Philosopher's StoneFilch tries to catch the trio and Neville Longbottom breaking rules, By 1991, Filch had Mrs Norris, his cat, following Rubeus Hagrid every time he went up into the Castle. [65] Due to all those misdeeds, Filch prowled the corridors with a horsewhip ready in his hands, desperate to catch students in the act, but the problem was that there were now so many of them, he never knew which way to turn. A mysterious little boy named Harry moves in next door to Draco Malfoy, and he's determined to make him his friend and learn all of his secrets. Harry told Hermione to calm down and tell him what's wrong. Choose an interesting character, preferably a more obscure one that not many other people will have written about, and put them into a new situation. Ask Question Asked 4 years ago. Harry indulges in a little Christmas cheer (and so does most everyone else). He always begged Headmaster Albus Dumbledore to let him suspend students by their ankles from the ceiling. [36] Ron spent the evening of 5 September, 1992 with Filch, and kept burping up slugs all over Tom Riddle's Special Award for Services to the School. [39] He learned that the one who petrified Mrs Norris was the memory of Tom Riddle, the one who controlled Salazar Slytherin's Basilisk. When Harry Potter reached Filch, the caretaker gave a great sniff as though to detect a whiff of Dungbombs.[58]. [18], When Valentine's Day was around the corner, Madam Pince, who was entrusted by Albus Dumbledore to organise the Valentine's Day Ball, talked to Filch about the arrangements. by snarkysweetness. Filch warned Snape at once and Harry, while trying to avoid them, hid in an unused classroom and stumbled into the Mirror of Erised for the first time. Filch confiscated a shrunken head from Vincent Crabbe. Sign up for Kissing Books to receive news, book recommendations, and more for residents of Romancelandia. CW: Body transformation, gender transformation, mind control and the dubcon/noncon that results from said mind control. Well, he thinks so, and he intends to act on it. The Second Wizarding War began. He left Harry and ran to find Peeves, excited that he might finally be able to pursuade Dumbledore to kick Peeves out of Hogwarts. [51] Furthermore, while Snape gave some leniency to students of Slytherin, Filch saw no such mercy with any of the students. There is a small corner of the Internet dedicated to those of us who prefer the canonical Harry Potter couples. Filch fought a running war with Peeves, the Poltergeist, and the two were sworn enemies for more than twenty-five years. During their next meeting about the Ball, Filch brought it up and Pince was eventually convinced. Albus is having the worst birthday ever, and James comes to his rescue. Please bear in mind that this list could hardly be comprehensive because there are so many fantastic pairings and stories to choose from, and feel free to share your own favorites in the comments. Velhomaailmassa on monia erikoisia perinteit, jotkut niist ovat Harrylle iloisia ylltyksi. [16] In his years as Caretaker, Filch learned all about the Castle's secret passageways and hidden doors better than anyone but the Weasley twins and the Marauders. [13] Filch also did not care for Hagrid as a professor and treated him as if he were inferior, possibly because he was half-giant. The only thing that is known is that he respected many of them, and did what they say without question. [18] Although Filch was a Squib and could not make the map work properly,[18] he did know that it was called the Marauder's Map. Filch was then joined by Severus Snape when the two got hold of Harry's egg and the Marauder's Map. Harry sank into one of the trick steps and got stuck in it, making his golden egg break open and wail. Mrs Norris, like her master, was infamously bad-tempered with anyone but Filch himself. He whimpered as he hardened even more. Harry is in his 2nd year when he gets another detention from Lockhart. Once again, this story features the surprise star of M/M Harry Potter erotica, Percy Weasley. [71], On 19 December, Harry Potter and Hermione Granger argued and speculated whether or not Filch and Madam Pince were secretly in love with each other. On the former's first afternoon as Headmistress, Fred and George Weasley set off an enormous crate of Weasleys' Wildfire Whiz-bangs which spread all over the school. On one occasion, he terrified a pair of first-year girls into hysterics. Though clearly thinking that Professor McGonagall had gone insane, Filch complied. [70] Unbeknownst to Harry, Filch and Pince had indeed shared a romantic relationship starting in 1989, when the two attended the Valentine's Day Ball together. From since Harry was at an early age, his father disdained him. They were given detention in the Forbidden Forest, along with deductions of fifty house points each. Oh God Not Again! Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry Potter Page to Screen: The Complete Filmmaking Journey, LEGO Harry Potter: Building the Magical World, LEGO Harry Potter: Characters of the Magical World, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald, Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore, Magic Beyond Words: The J.K. Rowling Story, Fantastic Beasts: Cases from the Wizarding World, Creator: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, out-of-bounds corridor on the third floor, Mrs Skower's All-Purpose Magical Mess Remover, "World Exclusive Interview with J K Rowling,", South West News Service interview with JKR, Writing by J. K. Rowling: "The Marauder's Map", Filch's role in the films is much the same as his role in the books, though in the. Granted they do come to visit, Harry just visits the most. Collections: 1 599 Kudos: 1124 Bookmarks: 263 Hits: 50961 EvenTom Feltonhas said that Drapple is his one of his favorite Harry Potter fan pairings. This isn't going to be everybody's cup of tea. Harry goes into heat and Arthur cant resist. Munga. [69] Filch, however, was hoodwinked by Fred and George's Owl order service, in which their products came disguised as perfumes and cough potions. Before he can process these recent events, he and many others are invited to the Room of Requirement to read a very special set of books. [2], During the next years, Harry disliked Filch even more, especially when the caretaker took the side of Dolores Umbridge, during Harry's fifth year. Despite their truthful claims that they were lost, Filch did not believe them and threatened to lock them in the dungeons. Umbridge left Hogwarts the day before the end of term, having crept out during dinnertime in hope to depart undetected. Argus Filch was a Squib and the caretaker of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry since around 1973. [53], Prior to the start of the school term, Filch fastened the list of forbidden items to his office door in an attempt to make students read it. ENEMIES OF THE HEIR, BEWARE", causing Filch tremendous stress and concern: he believed that Harry Potter was the one who petrified her, as he knew that Filch was a Squib. Disclaimer I don't own anything but my own ocs Add to library4.3kDiscussion 448Suggest tags Sigh, Teenagers 213 pages 6 months ago Selantro "Well at least we know Potter's an . [32], On their very first morning at Hogwarts, 2 September, 1991, Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley managed to get on Filch's wrong side. [81] The caretaker stayed in the Castle during the battle,[82] although it is unknown how, as a Squib, he participated in the battle; perhaps he stayed to tend to the fighters' injuries or to aid the Hogwarts forces with his extensive knowledge of the Castle layout and secret passages. The full list comprises some four hundred and thirty-seven items, I believe, and can be viewed in Mr Filch's office, if anybody would like to check it.Albus Dumbledore starts his announcements over the Start-of-Term Feast, Before the start of the school term, Filch extended the list of forbidden objects within the school premises so that it included four hundred and thirty-seven items, including Screaming Yo-yos, Fanged Frisbees, and Ever-Bashing Boomerangs. So, it used to be true crack, but somehow I made the end emotional. [2], Haven't you been complaining about Peeves for a quarter of a century?Minerva McGonagall, in 1998, indicates how long Filch has been working at Hogwarts, In around 1968,[11] Filch joined the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry,[9] succeeding Apollyon Pringle as Caretaker. [62] Harry Potter helped Dean Thomas mess up the clock in the Clock Tower, Colin Creevey sent the Inquisitorial Squad several rude Howlers in chocolate boxes, and Parvati and Padma Patil poured Babbling Beverage into the school loudspeakers. Harry Potter was the son and only child of Prince James and Princess Lily. Filch was also the only one of the Hogwarts staff to stay at Hogwarts Castle during the summer holidays. It begins at Hogwarts and stars a grown-up threesome. Spend a few pages writing out your plot. [8] It's unclear whether the relationship was still going on by the time Harry attended Hogwarts, but he did see them at Dumbledore's funeral together. Were giving away a stack of our 20 favorite books of the year. [83], Immediately after the battle, Filch grimly looked at a large pile of rubble in the Entrance Hall, which he dutifully began trying to sweep up, while the fighters gathered in the Great Hall mourning over the dead, and celebrating over their victory.[82]. Harry's 6th year is off to a rough start. If you need help, you can contact: The Bureaucrats: HarryPotter512 and Scarletmoon579 The Administrators: Aliceandjasperforever, Hermione524 and Philered Our Head-Boy: Philered Our Biggest Contributor . There are quite a few episodes already, so if you want to get your Harry Potter erotica fix while on the go, this podcast is your answer! [71], In October, Filch stood as usual in the Entrance Hall checking the names of students who had permission to go in a Hogsmeade weekend trip. He's deserving of some enjoyment, isn't he? Years later, he's determined to make Harry more than a friend. 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